We all have insecurities. And even more so, we all get intimidated by dating. Trust me, when I first met Andrew, I was totally nervous and maybe a little awkward (so he says), but the biggest thing I always kept confidently were my values-- no matter what!
When we're out there dating, we should never negotiate our morals or change ourselves to be more “desirable”. We're already amazing on our own. So the moment we start peeling away at ourselves for a guy, we're breeding insecurities. Let’s learn the secret ways we can seem insecure while dating.
Busting our boundaries
Personal boundaries make us lovable. What are yours? Maybe you don’t kiss on the first date or you’re someone who needs more time to build trust. No problem!
If you bust your boundaries to please a guy, you'll subtract from who you really are. That’s not dating-- that’s insecurity. Even if we deny this in our heads, the truth shows. We must never reduce ourselves to play along with someone else's ideals.
Practise being confident by sticking to your boundaries.
When we don’t feel 100%, we tend to hunch over. We usually don’t even realize we’re doing it, but this body language sends out negative vibes to others. It kind of says, “I’m not feeling good enough to sit up and shine.”
I’ve never had perfect posture, but my background as a gymnast over the years has forced me to sit up pretty straight. Try your best when you're on a date to sit upright to appear more confident.
Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact is a powerful chemistry builder-- it appears sexy and confident. I understand that it can feel strange to look directly at your date’s eyes, especially when you just met them. Work on putting those anxieties aside so you can build better eye contact.
I have a little trick from my dating past. Whenever a guy would say something to make me look away or feel shy, I’d immediately adjust my body language to feel more confident. I’d make my eyes meet his and smile (even if nervously).
Acting too available
“Don’t act too available” is the most common dating advice we ever hear. Well it’s true. If a guy asks when you’re available and you start suggesting every day but Tuesday, you’ll seem uninteresting because you’ve just confirmed you've got very little going on in your life. Is that true? If it is, don’t let him know that (haha) and perhaps take up some cool new hobbies so you can build more confidence in yourself.
We all love approval. It makes us feel adored and desirable. However, when our need for approval overpowers our ability to approve ourselves, we feel insecure. We need to rely more on our self-love to feel happy regardless of our date's opinions of us. Otherwise, a guy can sense when your self worth depends too much on his approval. Our self-worth is not a gambling chip-- treat it with care!
Trying to be someone else
As mentioned earlier, we should always be ourselves when dating. I know it can be tempting to put on a good show or be that girlie-girl you think he wants, but at what cost?
When we change ourselves to seem more “desirable”, we peel away at our self-love. We’re acting less naturally around the guy and become an awkward fake because we're trying to create an image. It’s exhausting and makes us seem insecure when dating. So whether you’re actually a nerd, a tomboy or an environmentalist-- whoever you are--embrace it! The right guy will love you for it.
Finding your confidence is a tricky business. Work on these pointers to feel better in your own skin when dating. It won’t necessarily make him fall for you, but it’ll definitely help you stop caring so much if he does. True confidence means we invest in ourselves before someone new. Let me know how that works for you!